Berlin as a Place for Growing Old
Whether in the line for Berghain at 60 or starting a community garden at 20, in the German capital, age really is just a number.
It’s an oft-repeated joke that the only thing that will get you stared at on the streets of Berlin is wearing a business suit. People even wear jeans to the opera here.
The city is well-known for its celebration of different cultures and rejection of restrictive social norms — be it by members of the LGBTQ+ community, to the night club and party culture, or the music and art scene, to the many different languages and cultural traditions of its large immigrant populations — freedom of expression is a deeply held Berliner value.
In keeping with also the - I think more European attitude - that one’s identity is complex and not defined by your income class or occupation - in Berlin it’s not considered strange for your banker, for example, to have a nose ring and wear his skinny jeans belted just below the hip.*
There’s no sense of, “Because you work at X type of job, you must wear Y or must not wear Z.”
The use of cosmetics, also, is considered more a form of self-expression than a tool to disguise aesthetic flaws. It’s perfectly acceptable for women to go out with a full face of makeup, but also - I personally feel this is more common - to wear none at all.
Berlin is the international capital of “you do you.”
A world of difference
I never really appreciated the extent to which the larger culture in the United States aggressively polices individual appearance until I moved here. This is particularly true for women and girls. So many strictures about who can wear what type of clothing and how. What is appropriate for the office, for school, for what body type.
In March, a video made by New Yorker Melissa Weaver went viral after a job recruiter told her she was out of the running for a position because she did not wear makeup in the Zoom interview. (In a follow-up video, Weaver clarified that she was wearing a blazer and collared shirt, small earrings, had a fresh manicure and professionally styled hair, but not makeup because she does not normally wear it.)
“I grew up in the South in a culture of you have to put your face on to just go to the grocery store,” Weaver told Business Insider. “My mom and I joked that there are probably women whose significant others have never seen them without a full face of makeup. At night, they'd take off their makeup and put on a fresh face of it just to go to bed. To each their own.”
Women of color are often told wearing their hair naturally (i.e. not chemically straightened or hidden under a wig) looks “unprofessional.” I won’t even get into the ridiculous dress codes that some U.S. schools use that exclusively apply to girls and not their male classmates.
In my own life, I was surprised how many people felt it appropriate and necessary to comment - positively and negatively - about my decision to stop dyeing my hair brown and ‘go grey.’ Total strangers stopped me to tell me it looked great. Friends privately wondered whether “we” should maybe consider covering it back up.
In Berlin, it’s ok to have grey hair (or blue hair or no hair) no matter your age or gender. No one will notice, let alone care.
Likewise, no one cares what you wear (unless you’re trying to get into Berghain, but that’s a different story …). In some places, you shouldn’t wear anything at all.
It’s hard to describe how freeing it is to exist when you aren’t constantly asking yourself whether you need to put on makeup, or whether you’re dressed appropriately - whether you look good enough - just to exist in public, run an errand, go the park, out to dinner.
Botox frei sein
And while I know that cosmetic surgery exists in Berlin and plenty of Germans get it. There is nowhere near the prevalent attitude that women should start getting work done at the first laugh line.
There are many women in the public sphere - politicians, actors, artists - who are older than 50 and aging naturally.
In general, I feel that the perspectives of people of all ages are heard and respected here more. Maybe it is because there are so many social activities and organizations that are dedicated to people’s special interests or hobbies - and these are multigenerational - that there tends to be less age-based segregation.
Or, it could be Germany’s aging population. Maybe there are just more older people here! And that’s why it doesn’t feel daunting to be middle aged.
Whatever the reason, I feel lucky to be growing older here. For no longer having to carry the mental load of needing to fix or adjust almost everything about myself to be suitable to exist in public.
*Note: One of my first observations about Berlin was the tendency for men of all ages and walks of life to wear form-fitting pants—basically skinny ankle jeans—belted just below the hip. These aren’t baggy pants. There is no sag. They are just riding low - real low.Think concealed genitalia, but the top of your ass visible in the back. This is mediated somewhat by the wearing of a long flannel shirt or t-shirt that I think is supposed to cover the plumber butt, but which often rides up. My point in bring it up here, is that I have seen handymen at our apartment building, young dads in museums, guys on the train who are older than me - all rocking this style. Whatever it’s called. In keeping with the point of this article, I acknowledge my discomfort with this sartorial trend is a ‘me’ problem. Everyone has a butt, and there is nothing shameful about the human body. One of the many things Berlin has taught me.
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Other Stuff
Links to some great things I’ve been listening to, watching or reading - plus commentary.
20 Percent Berlin: May Day, EU Vote, Traffic minister resigns, Getir gone and AI cashTomorrow is May 1, the International Day of the Worker (known in Germany simply as Tag der Arbeit) and all businesses and schools are closed. In Berlin, this has historically also been a day for a lot of left-wing demos and marches. Maurice has a good roundup of the expected protests. Also, the welcome news that Berlin’s bike-hating transit minister, Manja Schreiner, is stepping down (yay!!). Sadly this is not because her policies were unpopular, but because the University of Rostock is revoking her doctorate after discovering “widespread plagiarism” in her dissertation (yikes! But okay…).
Zeitgeist: Berlin is still dividedKatja Hoyer’s account of a contentious on-stage exchange with author Marko Martin discussing the impact of her book, Beyond the Wall.
Songletter: Amazing TrackListening to “Until We Meet Again” by the Hermanos Gutiérrez from their upcoming album, Sonido Cósmico.
Brent and Michael are Going Places: Should You Move to Europe?If you are thinking about making the move, read this article. Also, did you ever read someone else’s newsletter and it made you sad because your newsletter was not as good. Yeah …